Lots of Stuff on the Brain

Alright so I have a ton of things I should have been writing this whole week, but with a super old laptop (that literally takes 10 min. to load a web page) and not a lot of time at work to update, I will just share a few things--ok it's kind of long again. Ha!

My week has been up and down. Today I received my tax return! YA! This was a huge thing because I had a ton of bills to pay and some things to fix on my car. Car stuff to be fixed tomorrow. Praise God for that. Right when I was about to lose hope, my tax guy called yesterday to confirm the good news.

The downs are good as well, just not spiritually feeling good. I realize a lot of the things that have been going on with my walk with God have been Him stretching me, while trying to remove this stony heart, taking the thorns and rocks and throwing them at Satan all while tending to my soil to build in me a heart of flesh.

The weeds in my heart are pretty deep with roots that go on for miles, but I am trying to keep on with endurance and perseverance anyway.

Our "Spiritual Leadership" book has been tearing me to shreds and I am realizing the more I read it (along with my Bible) that there are a ton of things I need to work on--more than I realized. Along with that, it's interesting how with the sermons I listen to, the other spiritual books I read, several things have been coming up often that I feel are a clear sign of urgency.

First, I keep being reminded of choice. When I excepted Christ, that wasn't the only time I made the choice to follow Him. As I have been learning more and more, we are to make a choice to follow him each and everyday, whether we feel like it or not. This is a struggle with me seeing that I am impulsive and act sometimes without thinking. With that said, I have to keep on the brain to follow Christ each and everyday. It helps when I pray off and on the day and when I come home to study his word.

Second, I struggle a lot with discipline--along with that, I see in Ch. 8 of Spiritual Leadership book that without discipline, you can't really do the rest because they go hand in hand. I felt convicted and a little defeated but at the same time, I know everything works in time and in God's time. I wish I could change over night and that us humans can actually work that way, but unfortunately, we don't--so I am left to wait. In the mean time, I am also dealing with constant spiritual warfare--I never realized how evil and deceiving the mind is. I am battling with all my might everyday with daily prayer.

**Some things on the book since I haven't written on it yet. On page 19, it says, "When God's searching eye finds a person qualified to lead, God anoints that person with the Holy Spirit and calls him or her to a special ministry." What does he mean by that? Isn't it that after you accept Christ that you have the Holy Spirit? When do you really know when you are supposed to start something?

**Page 22: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give life as a ransom to many," (Mark 10:45) and "Serve one another in love," (Galatians 5:13)--I find this to be an interesting verse. We as servers should serve in every part of life, not just when we are at church. I was convicted when I read this as I have complained for the past couple years how I am tired of "serving" as an assistant, with no move up or no pay raise. But I should be thankful that I have a job, that I am needed and people like me at work. I noticed also in the book how as leaders we should have a good "reputation". I never thought that that was important as well. Good learning lesson on that.

**Another conviction was on page 23 on the subject of serving, "Men and women leading in that task must have eyes wide open, and hearts willing to follow the Master all the way." Self sacrifice

**Page 24-25: The Spirit of Servanthood: Dependence & Optimism are huge things I struggle with; taking matters into my onto my own hands has long been the way I do things. Suffering from depression for a long time has also clouded a lot of optimism in my life but both things I am working on.

**Page 28: I love this quote: "The personality of the spiritual leader influences others because it is penetrated, saturated, and empowered by the Holy Spirit. As the leader gives control of his life to the Spirit, the Spirit's power flows through him to others." Awesome. Here is another one--Page 32, "Spirituality is not easy to define, but you can tell when it is present. It is the fragrance of the garden of the Lord, the power to change the atmosphere around you. the influence that makes Christ real to others." The next quote on the same page is something that freaks me out and the reason why I stepped out of leadership at my last church--I recognized my heart was not in the right place and still needs some maturing--this quote got me, "The secular mind and heart, however gifted and personally charming, has no place in the leadership of the church."

**Page 36: "Each Christian should make it his constant prayer that Christlikeness might more rapidly be incorporated into his or her own personality."

**Page 37: "If we are disturbed by anything short of perfection in ourselves and others, that must go. The perfectionist sets goals beyond his reach, then sinks into false guilt when he falls short. Our world is imperfect, and we cannot expect the impossible."

**Page 44: Maturity (ah wasn't I just talking about that? Ha!) "A plant needs time to take root and come to maturity, and the process cannot be hurried." As this is why I have been waiting so long--::sigh:: Page 45: "In the early stages of building a church, we cannot insist on maturity, but every care must be taken that those developing the work be stable in character, spiritual outlook, and not ambitious for position." I cannot tell you how many churches need to seriously read this book. I've seen too many leaders in positions that should not be holding them. Heck I think corporate America would benefit from this book. Ok one more, "Instead, the promising convert should be given a widening opportunity to serve at humbler and less prominent tasks that will develop both natural and spiritual gifts. he should not be advanced too fast, lest he become puffed up. Neither should he be repressed, lest he become discouraged."

I am only on Chapter 9. I know I know--should have it pretty much done, but I think a lot when it comes to reading, especially when it comes to God. I don't think we should rush in our learning, processing and maturing in the process--it all takes time and for me it's taking a little bit more time! :) Happy Friday everyone!